The drunk diaries
by welcometofightclub
Summary: She had grown up, in truth. She was now a lady fully realized. so when she arrived, the band was curiost to know. they all sat down and beared themselves the truth and they talked about the first time...they ever got drunk. what were you thinking perv?
1. prolouge the arrival

**Hello great people of Gorilaz fan fiction. I just want to say that this is my first Gorillaz fan fic ever. I just got into them about a month ago and I'm really digging them. I heard of them way before, like, back when I was 8. They just weren't really clicking for me. Now I'm sixteen and they're pretty damn good in my opinion. I got this idea thinking about how Murdoc was like one big party animal, and then I thought, "But wait, the other band mates might have some great stories to share." I tried to match this up with the folk-lore of the Gorrilaz as much as I possibly could. If something was out of place, I'm sorry; I'll try to do better next time.**

**And so, with that out of the way, here it is. THE GREATEST STORIES EVER TOLD!**

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><p>It wasn't a happy reunion as it was. In fact, it was almost downright barbaric. Anger and evil at its very center core, the reunion was dramatically violent. For, the first thing that Noodle vowed that she would do when she arrived at plastic beach and greeted her fellow band mates was that she would have her revenge. And lord, when Russell opened his mouth at plastic beach and Noodle removed her mask as she stared down her cyborg counterpart, she did just that.<p>

There was a couple of seconds of blissful silence as the two opponents' stared each other down in absolute concentration; a momentary pause of calm serenity before the fatal explosion of chaos. Then, howling at the top of her lungs like some sort of deranged animal, Noodle gave forth some bizarre Japanese battle cry, and then thrust herself into battle as she began to rip that robot limb from limb with her cold bare hands. There was No mercy whatsoever. There was no time. The guitarist known as Noodle had spoken. There was only chaos, and then, oil.

Murdoc, who witnessed the beginning half of the battle from the roof of their compounds at plastic beach, was just about ready to protest and exclaim "Noodle! The hell ya doin'?" Being the band leader, he always assumed what was best for the band and didn't give two shits what any other band member thought about his decisions. So when Noodle started her attack, Murdoc was filled with anger. But as the battle continued on, that fear was immediately and drastically replaced with fear.

When Noodle ripped the arm out of the robot's socket, causing black oil spraying itself every which way like water from a firehouse, and as that same black sludge not only created a black pool under their feet, but also began smeared itself across Noodle's face, giving her angry glare an almost demonic quality to it, it was safe to say that Murdoc decided that for his own safety, he would shut the fuck up.

He ran drastically back inside the compound and hid behind a couch, almost quivering. Thoughts began to appear in his brain almost randomly and at unbelievable speeds. Some of these thoughts ranged from, 'how did she get so violent all of a sudden?' to, 'how did Russell get so tall?' And of course, 'how did they get here?' But the thought that bothered him the most, the thought that transformed him from the almighty, powerful, rock god that was Murdoc, to the quivering fearful green bassist behind the couch in the front room, was this. 'If she is that mad with my robot….oh sweet Satan…..what's she gonna do to me?'

Suddenly, a tapping of one's finger to his shoulder stirred him from his thoughts, followed by a confused and befuddle voice proclaiming, "Murdoc, wha d' hell's goin' on?"

Murdoc reacted with a jump, and a small exclamation of "Ahh!" Followed by a slap to 2D's face causing the lead singer to quiver in a manner similar to like Murdoc's earlier pose. "Dammit Face-ache!" Murdoc whispered rather harshly. "Don't you _ever _sneak up on me like that again or so help me Satan I'll rip your bloody guts out!"

2D began to cower like he always does and he spoke with that same lisp that everyone had grown accustomed to. "'m so sorway Murdoc!" 2D proclaimed as he trembled. He braved the courage to pass the leader of the Gorrilaz and began to peep through the blinds that were just to the right of them.'it's jus I wann know wha's goin' on out dare!" he moved his head up & down, Left & right, even sideways, but still, he couldn't get a good view of what was causing all the ruckus.

Then, 2D noticed something rather peculiar. He's black holes for eyes began to scan Murdoc's body, as he realized Murdoc's body posture was sorta out of whack. It was uncommon for Murdoc to be paranoid, unless he was on his usual coke binges. And noticing that there was no white powder surrounding his nasal areas, 2D realized that Murdoc was expressing true, unconscious, terrifying fear. Murdoc must've seen something really terrible outside. 2D, not thinking as he usually does, decided to point that out. "Y ya tremblin'?" 2D asked with much curiosity and worriment.

To which, 2D received a back hand to the back of his head.

"You fool, you must have me confused with someone else." Murdoc proclaimed with a rather indecorous yet self-righteous voice. "I am the great Murdoc. And Murdoc quivers to no man."

"Yeah, unless that man's a girl, in which case he cowers like a baby." A random voice supplied from in front of them.

The boys turned their heads and notice the third piece to their band puzzle. Russell stood before them with a quirked brow; his eyes still whiter than ever. Also, while he seemed expressionless, the smallest hint of a smile appeared on the left side of his face. Murdoc found the presence of his drummer rather odd, because the last time he saw Russell, which was only a few minutes ago, he was _gigantic. _ How did he get so small? There was no possible way a black giant could squeeze through the tight doorways that filled the plastic beach house.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE!" Murdoc exclaimed. "Aren't you like 50 feet tall?"

"I don't remember Rus bein dat big." 2D mumbled in an almost autistic manner.

"Nah 2D, he's right. I have gotten pretty big." Russel said with his smile now fully grown. He chuckled and instinctively, he patted his stomach.

"You've finally admitted it ya big lard." Murdoc stated with an evil sadistic grin. The good old green bastard was back, but not for long.

"And to answer your question Murdoc, it's simple," he began. "I simply absorbed some chemical waste while I was swimming towards plastic beach. It allows me to control my size and body weight. Now I can grow and shrink on cue."

Murdoc cocked a brow in disbelief. "So you can whimsically change your size about when you simply feel like it?" the band leader asked with a rather traumatized quality to his voice. The fact that his drummer could now seep into the most private of areas….it scared Murdoc quite a bit.

"Yep," Russell acknowledge in a strange monotone voice.

Suddenly, both Murdoc and Russell noticed something and snapped their heads towards the windows. The sounds of battle had seized to be. The fighting must've stopped. Yet, when Murdoc turned around and poked his head from around the couch to look out the window, he saw nothing. It was as if the fighting had never started to begin with. 2D, however, didn't catch on to the battle in the first place, assuming that the noises outside, were purely noises. So, he asked Russell, "What's goin on out dare?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Murdoc grumbled as he tilted his head to try and get a better angle to view the beach from the window.

"Noodle's back." Russell interjected, not caring at all what Murdoc would've thought about his actions.

2D's face beamed with happiness. He gave forth a big smile which revealed that giant gap in his teeth. "Noodle's back?" he shouted with much enthusiasm, almost as if it were too good to be true. His expression was purley childlike. It was similar to the face of a ten-year-old's when they find out that the girl they have a crush on likes them back as well. Pure, unconditional, joy.

"Yes," Murdoc replied solemnly yet quickly as he looked about the windows. He almost grumbled out the reply as if he was defeated. Then, he went straight back into leader/dictator-mode. "And you should be bloody well scared about it." Murdoc proclaimed fiercely like a stern father to his disobedient child.

"Y should I?" 2D asked rather curiously.

Murdoc grabbed 2D by the front of his 'hello kinky' t-shirt, (which was rather thin like cotton, and almost torn apart under the deathly vice grip coming from Murdoc's hands), and pulled him up towards his face, closely. With and extreme sense of fear and loathing, Murdoc loudly proclaimed with fire in his eyes, "She's going to FUCKING KILL US!"

"Kill you," Russell supplied as he pointed. "I don't see her killing any of us. We did nothing wrong. You're the one that decided to replace her."

"IT WAS FOR THE GOOD OF THE BAND!" Murdoc exclaimed. "I had to think about long term things. I tried to save her in hell! Id did everything I feasibly could do. But hell is not a simple get in and get out sorta thing. I had to think about bigger stuff, like, who's gonna play the guitar for the next album. Once she realizes that, she'll understand."

"I don't know," Russell stated with a certain amount of skepticism. "She must be pretty angry at you in order for her to destroy the robot like that."

2D was dumbfounded. "She's destroying the robot."

"I assume she already has." Russel said as he looked up, his attention briefly captured when he heard a rattle coming from the door.

"Wha makes yew say dat?" 2D asked.

"Because she's acting like a bat out of hell and was freaking demolishing the robot the last time I saw her, that's why!" Murdoc exclaimed with anger, exasperation, and fear.

"And, because she's already at the door." Russell commented as he noticed the shadowy silhouette through the yellow tinted window turning the knob from the other side.

Suddenly, with a violent _**SLAM!**_

The door had opened.

Murdoc, unwilling and out of pure instinct, stood up to see what was the cause of the noise. Instantly, he ducked down and began to quiver behind the couch. Panic had struck him like a bucket of water. First was the initial shock of what he had just witness; then came the dread as he listened to the footsteps getting closer and closer. For when he stood up, he saw Noodle, basked in all her angry glory and horrible splendor. She walked slowly, yet casually. However, with each step, Murdoc could've sworn it sounded like she was marching towards him; marching towards a mission objective; _Kill Murdoc Niccals!_

2D, however, was rather glad that Noodle had arrived, and ran out from their little shelter from the side of the couch, and straight towards Noodle proclaiming, "Nood-luv. How r ya?" The happiness in his voice couldn't every be masked in a billion years. No one had seen, nor heard, 2D this happy before. He clutched the guitarist with a fierce hug, stopping her dead in her tracks. She took a brief moment to pat the lead singer on the back. She had missed him. She had missed them all, no doubt about it. But there was one person that needed a strict, _strict, _talking to.

Suddenly, 2D pulled back from Noodle. He looked down, and was somewhat disgusted. His 'hello Kinky' t-shirt, was completely covered with giant spots of muck-like oil stains. It could've easily been mistaken for tar. That's how thick the oil was. "eww! How'd ya get dat all ova ya?" 2d asked pointing at Noodle.

Noodle looked down at her own attire and slightly giggled. She never lost that serious face though. Her red and white striped dress was no longer red and white. Most of everything was pitch black. She was covered from head to toe with the robot's oil. It was like as if she was dumped into a giant vat of black paint. However, the oil was about as thick as mud. It over cumbered her' made her feel heavy. Some of it even splatter very neatly across her eyes as if she chopped the robot to death with an axe. (Which was partly true, just replace the word 'axe' with 'samurai sword.') Behind her, a trail of muck, filth, and even more oil laid wake in her path.

She looked like hell. Good. Maybe this intimidating look would make Murdoc actually listen to her.

She took three more steps as she turned and marched towards the side of the couch where the bassist shook with fear. Murdoc still quivered slightly as he dreaded what this woman might do to him. He had never seen her so angry before. Hell, he had never seen anyone this angry before since his father, and that sent chills down his spine. Painful past memories were brought up, and when added with what he just witnessed, cause his paranoia to spike dramatically. Not enough to make him scream and run, but he started sweating profusely.

Suddenly, the walking stopped. No more footsteps resounded themselves. The _clack _of shoes marching along the floor seized to be. This caught Murdoc's curiosity immediately. He moved his head upward and looked along the couch in desperation to see what would have caused such a thing to happen. There was no more Noodle walking towards him. That was very odd. He looked up and noticed that 2D and Russell were still standing there. But why did they look so shocked? And why were they quivering? What were they looking at?

He sat back down, looked to his right, and screamed.

Standing before him with a coy, yet devilish smile, was none other than Noodle. He eyes were blocked out by the bangs of her hair, but Murdoc could still see the bruise that had formed under one of her eyes. In her right hand, she held out before him, the Android's head. Its face was shaped in a ghastly, ghostly, horrific expression of torture and pain. Its eyes were welded shut. Dangling from her neck was multiple wires and hoses, which dripped and sparked every few seconds. It reminded Murdoc of multiple death scenes in horror movies. The face had its mouth opened like a black hole, from which the soul had escaped.

Murdoc's brain couldn't quite comprehend the terrible image that had just painted itself into the wall of his brain. It would take years of either therapy or drinking before that image of Noodle holding aloft the head of the robot would go away. Suddenly, Noodle tossed the head towards Murdoc. It landed right on his lap. Its face looked up at him. It still sparked, and sputtered, and the oil still dripped down from its neck like the last remaining droplets of blood from a recently killed body.

Murdoc looked up at Noodle, flabbergasted. His body unconsciously embraced itself for Noodle's violent attack. Noodle only smiled.

"….I'm going to let this one slide Murdoc." She announced.

He looked up with a questionable look. He didn't quite get what Noodle was saying.

"I understand that trying to rescue me from hell would've been a hell of a task, no pun intended." She replied. "I also understand that my absence might have came at a horrible time for you all. I understand that you worked hard and you tried desperately to get me back. You did all that you could, and you failed."

Murdoc opened his mouth to protest but she proclaimed, "Don't you dare deny it." And so, the band leader shut his trap.

"You tried, you really tried, And that, I can respect." Noodle said, ending with a smile.

A wave of relief washed over him like a tidal wave. He whipped away sweat that had gathered along his forehead with the back of his arm. He sighed a clear and happy sigh of release, freed from the fear of Noodle's uncompromising anger.

He might've celebrated that victory too soon.

"But if you can think that you can take some washed up, cybernetic, whore and teach it to play guitar," she violently grabbed the front of Murdoc's shirt and shook him. She brought him up close to her face, hoping that her words would not be misinterpreted, "and if you think that could replace me, _then you are sorely mistaken!" _she grunted viciously. "_If you ever, EVER, pull a stunt like this again, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! Understood?"_

He frantically shook his head 'yes' up and down in reply. His reaction was identical to a youngling being yelled at by his principle.

But suddenly, halfway through his desperate plea of forgiveness, he started to smile. He almost looked like he was about to laugh. in fact, that's just what he started doing. slow, like a chuckle, but then he started cackling like a hyena a few seconds later.

"What's so funny?" Noodle asked inquisitively.

"I remember that I taught you cuss words." Murdoc replied with a smile. "They seemed to have aided you fairly well." Then he chuckled deviously once more.

Noodle sighed in exasperation; annoyed at first with Murdoc's reaction. Then she began to smile. Good ol Murdoc was back, and he also had taken in her words of counsel seriously. She looked at Murdoc briefly and began to walk away. Her mission was completed and her objective had been achieved. She doubted that Murdoc would ever make another robot again.

2D and Russell watched this girl with completely awestruck faces. They were flabbergasted by the sight that had bestowed itself upon them just a few seconds ago. Then, shaking off their dazed attitudes, 2D and Russell had gathered by the floor around Murdoc and assisted him into sitting on the couch.

Few minutes later All 3 of them were now sitting on the three couches which surrounded the giant coffee table in a square. They started to shoot the shit. 2D and Russell asked simple questions, such as 'did you see that?' 'What the hell?' 'How has she changed so much?' and most importantly, 'she sure has grown up, hasn't she?'

That was the one fact that the band had to come to terms with while they sat around waiting for Noodle to return from wherever she walked off to. Noodle had grown up. She was no longer the small little 10 year old child that came to their studios in a fed-ex crate. She was a woman, a fully realized woman. She had attitude, she had wisdom, she had spry, and even if she was only 19, (2D had counted the years that she was away), she had matured more than any of the other members of the band. Even her presence alone, caused other members of the band to mature drastically and change their ways. In his brief encounter and intense talk with Noodle earlier, Murdoc had experienced things that he hadn't experienced in a long time. Fear, loathing, trepidation, and happiness; He experienced them all profoundly with just one intense talk from the Japanese guitar god.

Still, even though she was older and wiser, and possible maybe because of this, it surprised everybody when she walked back in the room with her mask on, and a giant bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand, (possibly raided from Murdoc's liquor cabinet).

They shot her inquisitive looks. "You drink?" Murdoc asked.

"hell yeah," She replied as she sipped from the bottle, tilting her head so she wouldn't have to remove the mask.

She began to walk towards the couch closes to her, which had been the one where Russell sat at. As she did this, Russell grumbled into the palms of his hands, "Oh baby girl, what the hell happened?"

"I grew up Russell-san." Noodle replied swiftly. She took another sip of the alcohol as she got relaxed and comfortable in her position on the couch. A brief silence had fallen among the band. This provided a great opportunity for Murdoc and 2D to pull out a cigarette and start smoking. They each placed one in their mouth and began to light. As Murdoc lit his, however, he began to stare down Noodle curiously. He kept eying cautiously and with a somewhat befuddled stare that none of the band members weren't accustomed to.

"What's up?" she asked Murdoc with much interest as to why he was staring her down.

"What's with the mask?" Murdoc asked nonchalantly. This got picked up on 2D's conversation radar as well.

"Yeah. Wha's wif the mask luv?" 2D asked peculiarly.

Noodle sighed and exclaimed under her breath, "Are you freaking kidding me?" she lifted up her Omni mask so her face was shown for the entire world to see. The scars were self evident and courageously bold. Her black eye was humongous and it seemed as if it would take months for the scars to heal. Even then, the mental scars would probably still remain.

The entire band was rather shocked and stunned by the sight of Noodle's swollen face. But, instead of expressing their amazement through a series of gasp followed by 'are you ok' type questions, (which Noodle was expecting them to do), 2D simply looked up at Noodle and said, "Yew still look beautiful luv."

Her heart melted slightly. "Thank you Stu," she stated. Then she tried to put her mask back on. Suddenly, Russell had stopped her with a hand to the shoulder.

"Why you trying to put that mask on?" Russell asked plainly.

Noodle's only reply was. "I look rather hideous don't you think."

Murdoc shook his head in an almost disappointing manner and tsked Noodle mimicry. Russell almost chuckled in embarrassment for Noodle's sake. And 2D, being as passionate as he was for his beloved sister-like figure, spoke clearly for the first time…ever. "Noodle, you'ff looked like a lot of fings over the years. Tired, angwee, happy, sad, but yew can never, ever, be hideous. You're wif us. Please, remove the mask."

"Yeah," Russell piped in right beside her. "I fully agree. You're in the sanctity of your home. Please. Take off the mask."

"c'mon love. Do it," Murdoc supplied.

It basically got to the point where the whole band started proclaiming 'take off the mask' in a sort of weird ritualistic chant. Until, finally, with a smile, Noodle removed her mask and the entire band cheered. Silence fell amongst them once more after the cheering had seized to be. Suddenly, Murdoc supplied with a question.

"Ehh, you know," Murdoc began. "This is going to sound rather stupid…..but um….how've you….how've you been?" Murdoc inquired.

Noodle shot Murdoc an almost incredulous look. But, she was smiling, so she took no offense to his question. "That is rather stupid," Noodle began. "But I fully understand what you mean, so I'll answer it anyways." She took a swig from her bottle. "I've seen better day's guys. Better days. Hell was hell, as it were, and I escaped from the bowls of the unkown when I was around….17 I believe. I don't fully remember much. I stayed on the coast of Mexico on this little shelter-like village place for about a year. Then, a buddy of mine which was the first person I met in Mexico managed to gather up some tickets and he got me on that big boat which you guys used footage from for the melancholy hill video. I lived on that ship for about a year. It traveled all over the place. Then the pirates attacked, and I landed on a lifeboat. Then Russell brought me here. So yeah…..that's basically what my life has been like in a nutshell. Good times, bad times, but better days. Way better days." She took another swig of her bottle, symbolizing an end to her story.

"Anything good come out of it?" Russell asked in a blasé like manner.

Noodle mimicked as if she was thinking about it real hard, and then, with a smile and a cheerful voice filled with her Japanese accent, she replied, "I started drinking." This had received several chuckles from the other band mates. Then she stated, "But no….seriously…..um…not much. I mean, I met some good friends. There was good days, bad days, the whole shit. But, not really anything good that came out of it for out benefit. I did go to one of my first ever parties. That was cool. And I did get seriously drunk for the first time ever, but that's another story."

This caught Murdoc's attention immediately. Being the party animal of the group, to hear that others were partying as well, it made him the official judge of one's partying. He was the expert. It was not a party, until Murdoc had given his consensus. So, quirking a brown, Murdoc proclaimed, "Really?" with an inquisitive and mischief look. "Tell us about it."

"No,no, you don't want to hear it." Noodle had proclaimed as she waved her hand about in an almost shoeing fashion.

"Aww, c'mon. tell us. I really wanna hear it." Murdoc stated. Then, he added, "Russell, how about you?"

"While it's kinda weird that I'm about to hear Noodle, a person who's like a sister to me, bringing up a drunk story, I don't mind." Russell replied. "In fact, I'm rather curious. So tell us girly."

"yeah. I've neva thought I'd c de day where I'd getta hear noodle talk bout getting fuck up. I've probably been moe messed up than u were on dat day." 2D exclaimed with a smile, showing the gap between his teeth.

"I doubt it." Noodle replied.

"So tell us luv." 2D demanded with a grin.

Again, the entire band started chanting like a strange Indian tribe, "Tell us, tell us," until, finally, Noodle's composer broke. And she agreed to tell the story.

"Ok, ok," she said with a smile as she held out her hand symbolizing for her friends to stop. "I'll tell you about the first time I got drunk on this ship." She jokingly coughed as if she were about to make some grand speech. Then, she went on with her story.

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><p><strong>Next time on 'greatest stories ever told,' Noodle gets fucked up! Lol. Anyways, I really hope that I did well on this being it's my first Gorillaz fan fic. I hope I kept it somewhat in the lore, and I hope you enjoyed. The next chapters will be the band member's stories. Each chapter is a different individual. When this story is finished, please tell me which band member's story you like the best. For each chapter, please tell me your favorite part. It would really hope me out so I could fine tune the humor. I really hope you liked this. <strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW! MORE CHAPTERS WILL FOLLOW!**


	2. Noodle's story

**Hello guys. I'm back. Here's the newest chapter. I must apologize if there are grammar mistakes in this chapter. I had to rush through it. School night and all that jazz. Please tell me your favorite part of this chapter. So, without further ado, here is…**

**NOODLE'S STORY **

"As I told you before, I meat many good people on that boat." Noodle proclaimed. "Many of these people I'll always remember. There's Joseph; the geek aboard the ship who told me about this band called the flaming lips while he was onboard. Now I'm addicted to that group. I'll also remember Stevie, the comic genius of the ship. This guy could make Bill Hick's impressed if he was still alive today. Hilarious. However, these people may stay forever in my mind, but they may also go away. However, there is one man that I'll never, ever, ever forget. And his name was Bryan Dawg. I shit you not, that was his actual name. Bryan Dawg. To give you an idea on his personality, think of him as Chris Farley, but if he did more coke and crack. This guy was off his hinges. Party animal. And just like Murdoc here," Noodle exclaimed as she gestured her hand towards the green being. "He was the party expert. What made him cool though, was the fact that if you wanted a party, he'd set up the perfect one that was just right for you. If you wanted a party that was all out, he'd find some drugs and strippers in no less than a millisecond. If you were looking for just a casual party, he'd give you the entire ballroom as the playground for your meet and greet. Naturally, when I was wondering what alcohol would be like, his name popped up into my head immediately."

"Let me guess," Murdoc commented. "You asked him to set up a party where you can try booze for the first time in a safe environment."

"Exactly." Noodle replied. Then she continued with her story. "I wanted a big party, but nothing too wild, and nothing too extreme. High school, but for losers basically." This comment made Murdoc grin. Noodle persevered through her story. "And I bet you it was an excellent party."

2D raised a brow. "I bet you?" he asked.

"Well, I don't fucking remember anything. I got hammered!" Noodle exclaimed. The band laughed greatly. The way in which she presented her voice amused them. She continued once more. "I woke up on the floor of the ball room. My pants were wrapped around my head, my shirt was missing a sleeve, and three empty beer kegs were to my right." This inventory of drunken items amused Murdoc greatly; impressed him even. "And I was like, 'what the hell?'" Noodle persisted. "'how did I end up here?' natural questions. Oh, and by the way, my right hand is killing me. It's throbbing with pain and is sore as hell. It felt like someone had smashed it in with a sledge hammer. I also notice that whenever I try to squeeze it, hot siring pain goes through my entire arm. It's like there's glass cutting me on the inside. I look at my hand, and my torn shirt sleeve was covering the palm and the front of my hand like a bandage. 'so that explains the shirt sleeve' I think to myself. 'but what about the pains and the fact that my hand hurts like hell?' there's only one person that could explain all this."

"BYRAN!" the entire band supplied with tremendous force.

"Exactly," Noodle stated with a smile. "I walk around the ballroom after putting my pants on _the right way_ and I found him on the floor with two girls, and in front of him is an empty bottle of Jack, and a bong. I stir him from his sleep and showed him my hand. I basically ask him, 'what the hell's this,' and without missing a beat, he goes, 'oh yeah, we should probably take you to a doctor right now.'" The band laughed. "As we walked to the doctor's quarters on the ship, Bryan told me the story of how I fucked up my hand." Noodle paused for a moment and started fake coughing once more; symbolizing that there was to be a story with in a story.

"Apparently," Noodle started out, "during the party, this random girl got on the top of the stairs in the ballroom, and brought out an ironing board."

"What?" Russell asked out of a dazed phase; not quite sure he heard her correctly.

"Yes Russell-san. An Ironing board." Noodle then explained the use of said object. "Now this thin little girl, who was probably nothing more than at least 90 pounds, lies down on the ironing board, and rides it down _Home Alone _style." This caught the band's attention immediately. The mental image that was placed in their mind was set and wouldn't leave them until Noodle told the rest of her story. They were hooked. "Now, Ryan told me that when this girl got to the bottom, the first thing I said was, '….._shit…..i can do that!'"_

The band laughed full heartedly.

"So Bryan says that I took the Ironing board up the stairs," Noodle continued. "And….rather than riding it down like the other girl did, he says I turned it upside down to where the bars are facing up," Noodle made gestures with her hands as she told this story. "And I brought one leg up-"

Immediately, everyone in the room started laughing. The gestures that Noodle had made with her hands presented them with an even better, funnier mental image of a drunk and determined Noodle at the top of the stairs with an Ironing board looking….

"Like I was going to jet ski," Noodle continued. "It looked like the Ironing board had turned into a mutated scooter and I was going to Jet Ski down the stairs." Noodle laughed at herself as the rest of the band mates laughed too. They started to quiet down after a while. Noodle continued again with her story. "And Bryan said immediately and without haste, I took off like a rocket down the stairs."

Noodle paused.

"About halfway down….the nose catches."

The entire band submitted a cross between a gasp of laughter and a wince of pain. They all knew where this story was heading. The results did not favor for the story Noodle's condition. Even 2D moaned out an "Oh no," in laughter and gasp.

"Yep." Noodle stated with a smile. "I did like a weird flip thing in the air. I did a couple of somersaults on the ground, and destroyed a chair/table, and yet, Bryan says, I got right back on my feet. As you all probably know, I did not leave this accident unsaved. Bryan said, that I lifted my right hand up in the air…and my knuckles, the bone for my knuckles, were sticking out of my skin."

Again, all of the band mates release their groans of "ohhhh," and their hilarity filled sighs of "Ahhh," at the mental Image noodle had placed in their craniums. It was a pain filled story, to say the least. Still, everyone had a good time, at Noodle's past expense though. It even made Murdoc give off a full belly laugh. the idea that the girl who arrived in a fed-ex crate ended up years later drunk of her ass falling down stairs and breaking bones, made him sigh in agony, but laugh in amusement.

"I latterly looked like I had wolverine claws," Noodle said. "So I asked Bryan, 'well what did I do?'" She paused and leaned forward to draw in dramatic attention. "here's the kicker guys." She stated. Everyone was on the edge at this point. Even Murdoc was caught in the suspense. "Bryan said that I just looked at it, like some sort of sociopath. I had a straight face the entire time. Then, _CURNCH!"_

Murdoc's eyes widen in surprised.

"I popped my bones back in place, I ripped my shirt off and made a bandage, I poured some cheap vodka over my hand, and I kept drinking." Noodle exclaimed as she finished her story. "And that is what happened the first time I got drunk."

Murdoc began to clap. It was the slow dramatic clap that people were accustomed to in motivational movies. The entire band started to get in on it. The clapping increased in rate and in volume, until the entire band started to cheer in adornment as Noodle took her bows like she was some music director who had just conducted a live symphony.

After a few minutes of this, things began to quiet down. People still chuckled the few chuckles that they had left and their system, but the belly laughs were gone. Things were die down, and that strange silence was starting to fall upon them once more.

"That was a good one," Murdoc stated.

"Thank you." Noodle replied snarky yet kindly, (as if such a thing was possible).

"I got one better." Murdoc stated with a grin. His not so pearly whites flashed with devilish intent.

"I bet," Noodle sighed in exasperation. Then she raised a finger. "However," she explained, "I'd rather hear from Russell and 2D-sama about their greatest drunk stories."

"I don't fink r storwee's would b as good as his." 2D said with a hint of regret.

"Well, we will see about that." Noodle said with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. She looked to her right. Her eyes and Russell's eye connected. Non-verbal information was sent right way. She handed the bottle to Russell, as if to say, _'your turn.' _ This gave 2D some amusement. He remembered reading a book long time ago when he could still read very adequately. It was about some kids who crash landed on an Island and all the adults are dead. When the kinds wanted to talk, they had to pass around a conch shell. The Jack Daniels had now become the Gorrilaz conch shell. It's passing on represented not only good times, but good times yet to come. It was a strange concept to put into words, but visually, it was comical.

Russell cocked a brow at first, as if to say, _'no way.´_ but after a while, he found it kind of hard to resist telling his story when Noodle kept smiling at him and jabbing him in the arm with the Jack kiddingly. His mental wall crumbled, and he was submissive to the girl's advances.

Snatching the bottle, he sounded aloud, "Fine." He took a swing, and began his story.

"I must say," Russell began. "This story does not contain obsessive amounts of alcohol, nor does it contain any broken bones or funny accidents."

"So it sucks," Murdoc devilishly proclaimed with a grin, interrupting Russell's story telling process.

"But," Russell said interrupting Murdoc's interruption, **(inception) **"I will say that this story will make you laugh harder than any other drunken story out there."

"I doubt it," Murdoc exclaimed with a smile. "But I am intrigued. So please. Shoot."

Russell cleared his throat and began his story.

* * *

><p><strong>Note to self, never give noodle an Ironing board. Note to self, I must tell you that the next chapter may take some time. I got other stories to attend to; I've got school, and basketball. In between all these, I try to find some way to add more to 'The drunk Diaries.' hopefully the newest chapter will be added by next month. If not, I don't know what to tell you. Please keep your fingers crossed. Please tell me your favorite part of this chapter, and please, please, when all is said and done, tell me your favorite chapter in general. Which band member's story do you like the best? Oh, and most importantly, I want you to also…<strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**p.s. am I getting these guys in character...sort of? I'd like to know. **


	3. Russell's Story

**Hello lovely people of Gorillaz fan fiction. I'm back. Also, I want to let you know that I had to put another story off to the side for a bit to complete this chapter, but no biggie. Thank you to the 2 people that reviewed. I really hope more will read this, and that more will review. I'm really glad with the positive feedback. This will be the last chapter for a while. MORE WILL COME, but it will be a while. It's going to be a matter of time. Not that I love typing this story, I really do, I just have a lot bigger fish to fry. Also, I'm typing this on another computer than the one I'm usually accustomed too. It might be a stretch, but I'm willing to try. So, with that out of the way, kick back, relax, and enjoy this newest chapter. **

**RUSSELL'S STORY.**

"So, back before the Gorillaz, Back before my friends were gunned down in front of me on the streets of New York, back before I had gotten possessed and all that crazy shit," Russell began his story as he calmly moved his hand about with a strange yet poetic swagger, "I use to be heavily invested in football."

Murdoc raised a brow in reply. Then, he exclaimed with great sarcasm, "Gee, a black man that's into sports, what are the fucking odds?"

Even Russell had to chuckle at that one. 2D, even though he didn't realize why the comment Murdoc made was so funny, he giggled alongside the other two band mates in equal fashion. The men, however, were a little bit calmer and more reserved than Noodle, who was currently rolling on the couch and clutching her gut in laughter. She missed this. She missed _this_ a lot.

After the 'hysterical laughter' dust settled, Russell non-verbally communicated to his band mates with his bands to quite down a bit with a grin, and he continued on with his story. "Yes, I was into sports." Russell commented on his past. "I was the quarterback for my high school football team. We were the Brooklyn Twisters, and oddly enough, I was also the star player on that team." When he said aloud this comment with equal sarcasm that was identical to Murdoc's earlier statement, the room broke with laughter again. Things began to get quite once more, and he continued. "I was really good _HOWERVER, _I would've been nothing if it wasn't for my best friend, and Tide-End, Terrell Owens"

Murdoc's eyes shot up with alarm and surprise. 2D's jaw dropped, and Noodle's gasped so loudly that it sounded like she was about to have a stroke. But, before any member could get a word in edgewise, Russell hushed them with a wag of his finger, as he said, "Not the same Terrell Owens. Completely different guy."

Murdoc breathed a sigh of relief and the room was no longer laced with radical tension. If he found out that his best friend knew a member of The Philadelphia Eagles…..fuck.

"Me and Terrell were like peanut butter and jelly, man." Russell observed, "Completely inseparable. We were like family, like brothers. In fact, most of my stories that involve me getting drunk, Terrell is somewhere in them. Most of the drunken stories of my life begin with 'well me and Terrell, dot dot dot." He described.

"The Brothers Grim had 'once upon a time,'" Noodle examined.

Russell smiled, "I'm surprised that you knew about that,"

"Me too," Noodle smiled. "I had to buy that joke.

Russell chuckled lightly at Noodle's comment. Then, all of a sudden, he looked down at his bottle in a serious yet dull manner. His tone and vocal expressions were glum and dark. "Yep, Me and Terrell were best buds. Too bad he was shot down in a drive-by about 2 years after I met him." He took a big swig of the bottle. He loathed the burning sensation that trickled down his throat. He groaned at the feeling, the feeling of observing back at lives lost and the emptiness that, even though was very tiny due to the newfound friendship that had replaced it, nothing could fill.

And then, without missing a beat, he transformed from depressed Russell, into happy, bright, and cheery Russell. "Anyways, back to the story. So we were like best friends and for his 17th birthday, he wanted to go to this bonfire that was happening up in New Hampshire. It was a long drive and it was in the middle of nowhere, but, it was at his hometown and I was the good friend so I decided 'ok, whatever.' We drive into the deep and dark night, and we finally show up at the bonfire, which was actually pretty rockin. It was a strange and unusual experience. I felt like an alien, being that, somehow, me, Terrell, and possibly 2 others were the only black people there. We were in this strange place that seemed foreign and surreal. However, there was one guy, _one guy _that remembered Terrell and was so excited to see him. He was _so excited, in-fact_, that he invited us to this other party that was happening at this apartment complex in the only big city in that part of New Hampshire. He couldn't leave because he was watching after his brother who was in a wheel-chair at the time, but he told us, 'when you arrive, tell the guy that Joey sent ya.'"

"Ok, and?" Noodle supplied, eager to know more.

"When we arrive, Terrell and I immediately realize that we're the only brothers there. We scan the place and we find the guy that was hosting the party. Well, in actuality, he found us. Because before we could even speak, he recognizes us from the Football team. We did win state one year, so these things happened time to time. He freaks. He's like, 'oh my god, you guys! You guys are awesome! The team is amazing! Please, eat all my food, dance the night away, drink as much as you want! Make yourselves at home. And we proceeded to do so for about 2 hours." Russell took another swig of his drink. "So, 2 hours of partying later, we realize that we have to head to a hotel or something. We're pretty messed up, so we know that a ride back to New York would be a bad decision. So, we talk with the guy hosting the party and ask him where the nearest hotel is, and he tells one that there is one like a block away. However, it was kinda hard for him to keep his focus, because, he was laying the moves on this one chick for the entire party."

Murdoc smiled, sighed, and brought his head down as he shook it in mocking disappointment. He had been in the guy's position, the one who was hosting the party; he had been in his situation several times. However, with years of laying moves and women and other people trying to talk to him at the same time under his belt, he had no clue what was about to happen next.

"So anyways, Me and Terrell make a deal with this guy and we tell him, 'ok, I tell you what, since you're such a nice host, we will do a favor for you. Why don't we pretend, why don't we play out that you have to kick us out of the party? You can look like the big man in front of the girl, and you might get some action tonight. We have to leave anyways it's the least we can do. Deal?'"

Murdoc contemplated the scenery that Russell laid before him. He would have to use Russell's plan in the future to reap the benefits for himself, that's for sure.

"So he was like, 'Ok'" Russell continued. "So we do the whole bit, he's screaming 'alright guys, get the fuck out my house,' and we are doing the whole cowering thing, and we are acting out, 'all right man. Please. Not so hard. Don't hurt us.'"

"And then what?" Murdoc commented playfully with a smug look. "Did Mr. Roper show up?"

"No," Russell stated. "But he might as well have. Because, out of nowhere, when we are about to walk out the door, this lady, this random chick, she shouts from the side of the couch, '….yeah. You guys should leave.' And Terrell and I were like, 'ok. You know, we were being rowdy. So we are leaving.' We were keeping in character. And then…..then….." Russell couldn't hold back anymore. He started a deep gut busting laughter. There were tears forming in his eyes from the hilarity of the memory that bestowed itself upon his mind. He couldn't help it. It was just too damn funny. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Russell apologize, "But you will not believe what this woman said."

"What she say, what she say?" Noodle commented losing all of her adult like demeanor that she had gained earlier from the day. No one could blame her however. Murdoc was aching to hear the climax of this story. Any pause created suspense.

Russell looked around the room, as he wondered to himself, 'will they be prepared to hear what I'm about to tell them?' after seeing that everyone had a strange expression of tension painted across their mugs, he decided, 'fuck it,' and he set forth in motion, the words which made his story, the best of the best.

Russell came through. "So this woman says, 'I'm not saying that because you're black, but you guys are being assholes, and you need to leave.'"

Silence. Dead silence. A Pin drop could've been heard a mile away. Murdoc's face broke and his jaw could've hit the floor if it wanted to. Noodle stood there with her eyes wide and round in bewildered surprise. 2D, even not being that bright of a guy, caught what the woman had stated immediately and the cigarette that was in his mouth, had fallen to the floor. The whole band sat in their seats in stunned silence. Shock could've best described the faces they were prevailing.

"So yeah, the record skipped." Russell commented.

The room broke.

The silence was now replaced with hysterical laughter. Tension was gone. Hilarity ensued. The only noise that was audible and that could be picked out from that room was the insane cackles from Murdoc, Noodle, and 2D. In fact, it was so funny, that Murdoc had fallen to the floor, and almost struck his head on the coffee table as he did so, while he clutched his gut as the amusement and laughter took him over. It was too good, too good. Russell's comment was what they needed to relief the anxiety.

"It's like, 'I don't want to be an asshole here, but,'" Noodle exclaimed as she convulsed violently with her laughter.

"And if that wasn't enough to leave the sour taste in everyone's mouth," Russell stated. "This guy form the couch who was sitting right beside her said, 'yeah she's right. Both of you have to leave.'"

"Damn Cletus," Murdoc Commented.

"I know right," Russell replied with a smile as he himself got taken in by the laughter as well.

"It's like; you weren't excepting to end up in the hick part of New Hampshire at all." Murdoc added. "You might as well have walked into a Klan rally."

The laughter continued on and on for what seemed like ages. It seemed as though this was the best laughter that the gang would receive. However, they were wrong. It was about to get better; much better. After a few minutes had passed, the laughter began to quiet down. Then, Russell continued.

"So, anyways," Russell began with a great big smile. "Me and Terrell know they're racist, but we don't want to start anything, cause we are tired, hungry, and wasted. So we are like, 'k, whatever, let's go.' But the guy who's hosting this party, He flips. He goes, 'No! This is my party. I don't even know her. Hell, I don't even like her. Fuck her. You guys can stay.'"

Murdoc released a deep belly laugh at this comment. Noodle was beginning to wipe away the tears of hysterical laughter away, and 2D was smiling that great big toothless grin as he cackled like a hyena.

"So clearly, this guy was going to start some shit where there wasn't going to be shit," Russell explained as he exclaimed his story once more. "And we were like, 'dude, its ok. It's over. We were leaving anyways. Thanks for the party. We're gone. But thanks."

"It's like, 'Let's end race war.'" Noodle commented with a sly smile.

"Exactly," Russell replied. "But then," He sustained his story, "As we are walking out to the car in our parking lot – Oh, and by the way, this guy's apartment wasn't high up. It was like a second floor apartment, so we didn't have that far to walk. But as we are walking, I'm talking to the host who's following us as we are walking out to the car to make sure we are ok. And I bring up, 'we're fine, but man. To have the girl say one thing is bad enough, but then to have her boyfriend chime in.' and he said, 'nah, he's not her boyfriend, it's just some guy who wants to fuck her."

"Who also hates black people," Murdoc pointed out.

2D nodded his head.

"So I tell this to Terrell, you know. I'm like, 'that guy was just trying to get in that girl's pants back there. Don't worry about it.'" Russell stated before he took another swig from the bottle. "But apparently he did," Russell proclaimed as he sat the bottle down. "Because, I fall asleep once I get in the car; I'm fucking tired. But when I wake up, I look out the car window, and we are still at the apartments."

"Wait, what?" 2D, Noodle, and Murdoc exclaimed in perfect unison.

"I know." Russell called out with his dazed look, as if he was excited himself. In fact, to this day, he still can't believe that what happened next in his story had actually happened. "So, I keep looking out the car window, and suddenly, I see Terrell walking back towards the party apartment."

"uggh," Noodle cried out in disappointment as she hung her head low and began to shake it. She was all too familiar with people who take actions into their own hands when really they should step back a bit. (Wink, wink).

"So I go chasing after him," Russell continued, "and as soon as I reach him, he's already in the apartment and he has tracked down the guy from earlier; the one from the couch. And he's in the back, mixing a drink with his buddies. So Terrell starts to walk towards him." Russell paused as he leaned in; causing the other band mates to lean in. he brought his voice an octave in sound, lower, so that his friend's wouldn't have any difficulty listening to what he was saying. "Now, Terrell was a linebacker, but he still wasn't a tall guy. 5'3, 5'4 maybe? I don't remember much. And this guy in the back is kinda tall. He's in the 6 feet range. And his buddies are even taller!" Russell pulled back with a laugh as the other band members pulled back as well. "But when Terrell walks up to this guy, with his back straight, and with this like demented attitude, and when Terrell says 'hey! What was that shit back there, about us leaving cause we're black?' his two buddies bolt-"

The rest of the gang found that mental image extremely hilarious and they laughed even harder before Russell could finish his sentence.

"And this guy shrinks like wet cotton in a dryer." Russell continued. The gang found this mental imagery even more hysterical than the last one, and they persevered with their laughter throughout the story. They still quieted down from time to time to pick out different sections of the story, but it was now relevant that Russell won, even if they weren't really competing in anything.

"So Terrell goes up to him, and he's like, 'what was that shit back there!" Russell continued. "And this man, I kinda felt bad for him because he was squirming so much. He was leaning on one leg back and forth; he was biting his nails, He was shaken up so bad. It was great, for a while." Russell stated. "So anyways, Terrell's like, 'what was going on back there?' and this guy was like 'w-w-w-well….you know….y-y-you w-were getting kind loud and…..m-m-m-maybe it was time for you to leave.' And Terrell says, 'Really. Is that your decisions?' then he turns to me! And he says, 'Russell c-mere.' And he starts pointing at the guy. 'Is this the guy? This is the guy from earlier. Don't you recognize him?' and as I said earlier, I was actually starting to enjoy this, so I was like, 'yep, that's the guy.'"

The band laughed once more when Noodle exclaimed like a pure black man, "Yep, that's the guy. Get in the motherfucking car."

"It was amazing." Russell continued as his friends snickered on in fits of laughter. "He was like sweating, bouncing all around the place, and I let it play out, for a while. But then, some time passes to the point where it starts becoming painful, and I go up to Terrell and I'm like 'dude, just leave him alone. we've done enough. Let's go.'" Russell smiled greatly and very wide and the commemoration of what happened next in his story. "And we almost leave…..but then Terrell-"

"Oh god," Murdoc interrupted as he, in an almost direct imitation of Noodle's earlier sigh, let his head down and shook it in disappointment.

"But then Terrell," Russell persevered through his story. "He goes back and he takes the guy aside, and instead of getting up in the guys face, he goes, 'hey man. I'm sorry about what happened back there. I feel like you and I got off on the wrong foot."

"What?" Noodle cried in laughter. 2D was clutching his stomach. Murdoc was bewildered yet laughing.

"He goes, 'how about, you and I, you give me your number, and I'll call and we can go out for lunch sometime next week.' And he's all like, 'well, I don't know,' But Terrell is really persistent. He's like, 'No, no, no. I insist. We need to have lunch together. We will work this out. You and I are gonna be cool. You understand?' If you've seen Blue Velvet, you'll know exactly what I mean when I say what Terrell did was a total Frank Booth move."

Murdoc cackled greatly at this statement, and he followed it up by imitating Frank Booth placing on his mask of 'god-knows-what' and inhaling in greatly.

"And this guy, he so wants to get out of it. He's shaken up so bad. But Terrell is just like, 'wait, you won't give me your number? Why not!' the guy's like, 'well, honestly, I'm kind of scared of you right now.' Terrell said, and I quote, 'what's there to be scared about, I'm offering to take you to lunch. Why can't we go to lunch? What's the big deal? What seems to be the problem?' This just went on, and on, to the point that now, I felt really bad. I was like, 'Terrell, c'mon. let's leave the guy alone.' He's like, 'no, no, no, no, no! He's a big boy. Let him decide for himself.'"

"He must have been pissing himself!" Murdoc cried aloud with a great big guffaw. Then, with his best black man impression he could muster, he said, "' I just want to take you to subway motherfucker!'"

The room shook with laughter. There was no stopping this train anymore. Russell held out as long as he could, but there was no point in trying to tell more to the story. He had already done enough quote unquote "damage," and anymore comments would end up just being collateral. Murdoc's comment made the day. Russell's story made the month. And this particular memory of all of them, together, sharing this moment of hysterical laughter just like old times, would last forever.

"We left sometime afterwards. But I can tell you this," Russell exclaimed as he finished up his story. "That guy, will never, ever, comment on another's argument again." Russell took one last big swig, before he held out the whiskey bottle as it was meant to be passed on. He was a little reluctant, but seeing as how it was his turn (by the way he eyeballed him,) 2D grabbed the bottle, symbolizing his turn.

Murdoc smiled greatly. "What do you got Face-ache?"

2D's dark holes for eyes somehow portrayed themselves as devious, and he smiled a devilish, yet toothless grin. "Oh, I'ff gotta good one, a rweal good one."

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter; 2D and how he derived from straight edge punk. If you are not familiar with straight edge punk, please take some time right now and look it up. Fugazi, Black Flag, Minor Threat, Bad Brains, social distortion. AMAZING BANDS. And yet, they never did drugs, never smoked, never drank, and never had premarital sex, (which means your parents can have nor reason to be against them.) how does a punk rock social movement involving ant-drinking, get brought into a story about heavy drinking? Well…you'll have to read the next chapter. (wink, wink.)<strong>

**I need some help for the next chapter. Seeing as how it's 2D's story, I need to learn to write 2D English. I get a little confused on how to write like 2D speaks. Will a fan of the Gorillaz, and even greater fan than me, PLEASE HELP!**

**Thank you. God Bless.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	4. 2D's Story

**Hello everybody. You've waited for the longest time for this moment. It's the one, the only, the magnificent and masterfully crafted; 2D'S STORY! Sorry for the wait. Personal issues going on. Not to mention the fact that I had another story to work on. Now, in the previous chapter, I asked if you guys wanted me to write 2D's story in his accent. I got one reply back telling me 'don't.' so, this story is written in REGULAR ENGLISH. You'll have to imagine that 2D is using his grateful lisp. *happily sighs* I love making my audience think. Lol. **

**So, anyways, without further interruption, here it is!**

**2D'S STORY**

"One thing that people always….uh….assume about me is that I was born drinking and gobbling pills out of the womb." 2D began as he clutched the bottle tightly, yet with a serine swagger which emphasized his lackluster, carefree attitude at the moment. "This simply isn't true. In fact, for the longest time throughout high school, I was a member of the Straight Edge punk scene." 2D looked around the room and noticed a sea of cocked eyebrows. He wasn't surprise that most of his band mates had no clue what straight edge, or even what good punk rock was. In fact, as far as he knew, the only punk rock band that Noodle had heard of wasn't even considered punk rock in his eyes; Green Day. Noting his friends' confusion, he began to comment on that effect. "I can see that most of you have no idea what I'm talking about."

"Yeah," Noodle agreed with a perplex look painted across her face. "What's straight edge?"

"Straight edge was this…uh….uh….Murdoc? What's the word for a small part of something big?"

Murdoc was struck asunder with that question. He really had no idea what 2D was going for. He had to think about it for quite some time. Finally, noting how they were speaking about a culture, his mind had interpreted with, "Subculture?" Murdoc supplied.

"Yeah, right." 2D fully concurred with a smile. "Straight edge was this sub culture of the punk rock youth that began with the band Minor Threat, which later became Fugazi-"

"Ohhh, Fugazi man. That shit is totally off the hook." Russell interjected into the conversation liberally.

"Yes it is," 2D exclaimed with a smile, as he forgot about the fact that he been interrupted. Then, he continued on. "So let's see…..there's Minor Threat, Fugazi….uh….Black Flag, Bad Brains, all that good shit. These were straight edge bands. Well, actually, Minor Threat and their leader Ian MacKaye started everything, but other bands were born because of it. You see, the straight edge scene had this code. If you were a member of Straight Edge, it meant that you didn't smoke, you didn't drink, you didn't have sex before marriage, and you absolutely did NO drugs. Basically, you were some fruit cup, but you listened to some good hardcore. And the great thing about it was, your parents couldn't do anything. They would come at you with the 'it's Satan's music,' or, 'they're a bunch of drunken drug addicts.' And you can look at them with a smile and show them the lyrics and tell them about how no one in the band did drugs of any kind, and all they said in reply was, 'well shoot. I guess you can listen to them Stuart."

"I was going to point out that no good band is fully clean," Murdoc stated as he pointed towards his friend. "But you brought up Black Flag, and that is some amazing stuff right there! Are you sure that they didn't do drugs?" Murdoc asked with complete sincerity.

2D only nodded his head with a smile.

"Well crap." Murdoc exclaimed as he fell to the couch, aloft. "I have no excuse now. I think I may go clean just to sell more records."

Noodle coughed out of hilarity as she looked at Murdoc with a sarcastic grin. She knew Murdoc all too well. "Really Murdoc? Really?" Noodle said with a smirk. "You're really going to get clean?"

Murdoc smiled greatly and laughed. "Nope. I'm still going to be the Satanist, Alcoholic drug addict that I am."

The whole band gave forth and released a good chuckle. It was mildly humorous, but it would only be a foot note in comparison to what would later transpire. 2D held out his hands, and continued on with his story.

"So Anyways, I was a member of Straight Edge. I didn't smoke, drink, or shag, and none of my friends did either." In an Ironic gesture, he took one giant swig from the bottle, then he elaborated more on his past situation. "The Sad part about Straight Edge was that not a lot of people over seas knew about it. Only a small number of my closest friends knew about it. And so, in a horrible turn of fate later on, they all ended up moving to Yorkshire."

Murdoc grumbled jokingly. There was always a joke to be passed for Yorkshire's benefit when one Britain brought up the name to another Britain. "Satan Damn Yorkshire; always ruins everything good."

2d Smiled widely and laughed. "You're damn right." If the two were holding glasses at the moment, they would've given each other a cheer and touch their glasses. 2D still kept telling his story. "So by the time I was 18, my Straight Edge punk rock friend's had left me and the whole punk rock scene from where I was from had gone to rubbish. So, in the end, I started hanging out with some other punk rockers, who, because there was nothing to do, we ended up going to the back alley of this new wave club, and just jacked around in this Alley way for a bit."

"Bunch of hobo's was what you were." Noodle said as a tease with a smile as she playfully shoved 2D. He smiled back at her, happy that she had returned, and continued to sip from the bottle.

"Now the guys that I hung out with that night," 2D reminiscent. "They weren't Straight Edges. They were punk rockers, but they were the real punk rockers who smoke and drank and did drugs."

With a smile that beamed almost identically like the sun, Noodle proclaimed happily, "Like Greenday?"

The whole room had bursted into laughter. Tears were strolling down Murdoc's cheeks. He was laughing so greatly. They all had thought that Noodle had grown up a bit and matured while she was away. And, to some extent, she really did. Yet, she still believed that besides their band, Green Day was the cutting edge of music. She was still somehow innocent after all these years, and lived in a musical bubble where she thought Green Day was filled with a bunch of Bad Asses. Murdoc, with no disappointment or regret in his heart whatsoever, popped her bubble with a smile.

"Noodle," Murdoc began. "I hate to tell you this," (although, in reality, he really didn't. In fact, he was getting a good kick out of watching the Japanese Guitar Goddess's face break.), "But Green Day is filled with a bunch of pussies. They made some good music, don't get me wrong. But they have no balls, they are corporate shrills, and they now no longer serve a purpose in the music society other than to be mediocre." After this small speech, he gestured toward his Blue haired friend who was relaxing lazily along the couch. "2D, continue with your story." The Green Skinned bassist politely commanded.

"As I was saying," 2D slowly restarted back up. "After hanging out with these guys for a bit, we eventually got bored, and all of a sudden, I had found myself in my first party. Now, we had parties as straight edge rockers, but they were completely clean, and there was no Alcohol at all. We basically just hung out, watched the Tele, and complained about how we were not getting laid. But, I was looking around this party, and I thought to myself…I might get laid. Tonight can be the night." 2D took another gulp of his mind bending beverage. "And there was _lots _of booze. _Lot's and lot's of booze. _I'm still not sure how we ended up getting that much booze in the first place, but we did, and we had a like an actual pub set up in the kitchen on the stove. Just racks upon racks of liquor." He raised his finger as he spoke, and took a momentary pause, to capture his band's attention for a brief moment. "As if this was not enough," 2D exclaimed as he let his hand fall. "They also had a giant garbage can, and can that was cleaned out for that night, filled with Coon Dog Punch."

Murdoc was bewildered by this statement. His eyes were shinning bright with stars. Not only did 2D go to a party that was filled to the brim with happy juice, there was also an alcoholic beverage there that he was not aware of its existence. He was captivated, intrigued to learned more about this Coon Dog Punch. "What?" Murdoc asked, hoping 2D understood his justification for such a question.

"Well….."2D commenced as he gestured his hands about. "Coon Dog punch was what we called it, but everyone has their own version of it wherever they live. Basically, you take your cheapest, most horribly alcoholic liquor available; generally Ever Clear. And then Kool Aid."

Murdoc smiled and gave praise with a giant "Ahh," of realization as he finally understood what Coon Dog Punch was and what it meant. After his sigh of aspiration, he provided his own name for the beverage that 2D spoke about. "No No Juice." He said with a smile.

"Yep, exactly. No No Juice," 2D agreed with a smile. He took another mouthful of the Jack Daniels and swallowed before persevering on with his narrative. "So, I'm looking at all this booze with a smile, and I think to myself, 'I'm going to drink at this party.'"

Before 2D could even get a word in edge wise, Murdoc proclaimed aloud his micry version of 2D that night. With boastful and completely unreal sobs and 'boo hoo's' Murdoc stated in almost a shout, "Punk is dead!"

"Exactly!" 2D screamed as he pointed at Murdoc while he bearded his toothless grin. This caused Russell and Noodle to laugh as well. They began to clutch their stomachs as the hilarity consumed them. That's exactly what it was like. It was my sad farewell to the Straight Edge scene. Now," 2D stated loudly so that the other band mates stopped laughing for a moment at Murdoc's acting range, and instead turn back to 2D. He took another swig. Then he began to speak. "Before I had joined the straight edge scene, I had raided my old folk's liquor cabinet once or twice before. So I was like, 'I remember whisky. I liked the taste of that. I sorta remember vodka. I liked that too. Hey, what's this Rum thing?'…and eventually this continued on to the point to where the last thing I remembered was drinking the Coon dog Punch."

This statement caused his friends to laugh aloud once more. Then, he gestured his hands, and all the laughing began to calm down. Like a conductor mastering his orchestra, 2D felt empowered, and expressed it with laughter and complete excitement as he told more of his first night of drunken debauchery. "Like Noodle here, I was told that it was a good party. I don't freaking remembered nothing at all. "This caused his friends to laugh yet again. "I was completely blacked out for the most part." 2D commented truthfully and without shyness. "There was this point where I remembered saying, 'yeah, sure, I'll try the coon dog punch,' and then, next thing I know, _WHAM! _It was a smash cut to me sticking my head out the car, screaming at the top of my lungs, thinking, 'I'm in a car. And the wind feels so good in my hair. I feel free. I feel awesome. And oh god, I have to throw up again.' Oh, and also, I had the presence to realize that somehow, earlier when I was blacked out, I had vomited all over myself."

Murdoc cheered as he clapped his hands and gave 2d honorary fist pumps. To him, it was not considered a good party until there was a story about some bloke throwing up onto another bloke. And most of the band agreed, as they stated to follow Murdoc's example, and they began to clap, whistle, and cheer as well. Noodle and Russell were having fun with this, but not as much fun as 2D. It's important to note that receiving applause, is so much better and giving it. Eventually, all this died down, and 2D continued with his story.

"The car dropped me back off at my house, I ran inside, and I started to trumpet vomit all over my bathroom." 2D explained. This statement alone almost gave him applause and recognition from his friends. It was short and sweet and to the point. "And the great thing about the coon dog punch was that it was cherry." 2D sardonically proclaimed with a sarcastic smile.

"Eww," Noodle commented as she got the mental image imprinted in her head.

"So, it looked like you took Carrie to prom?" Murdoc said, being the horror movie buff that he was.

"It looked like I had taken that Carrie bitch to prom, brought her back to my place, rapped her and killed while she was having her period and while she was still covered in pigs' blood." 2D observed very loudly.

This commented suited Murdoc's filth quota, and he responded with a great big cackle and a slap to his knee in hilarity. Noodle was almost falling out of her chair in her haze of laughter. Russell clutched his stomach muscles tightly. It was too much, and it was about to get turned up a notch. 2D smiled for he knew the ending to this tale of drunken hijinks, and yet his friends didn't he was going to laugh along with them once the surprise was unleashed. He couldn't wait to let it out. Thank God that it was time.

The room got quiet again, and 2D spoke once more. "Anyway, so after suffering a 3 day hangover-"

The room paused immediately. If glass had the ability to shatter on cue, it would've done so at this moment. Everyone's eyes, with the exception of 2D's, had widen to the size of grapefruits. Even Murdoc, the biggest drunk out of the bunch, was bewildered by this statement. He was dumbfounded. He was completely flabbergasted. "_A Three day Hangover!" _he exclaimed with much surprise.

"Yep," 2D simply replied back, honestly.

"Man. Dawg, you should've gone to a hospital." Russell stated with a forlorn look in his eyes.

"Yeah, but my old folks had no clue that I went out drinking, and I was living with them at the time," 2D explained. "and if I got caught drinking, I wouldn't be able to live it down, so I told them I got the flu, and they told me that I would be fine."

"You should've said that you had a bacterial infection or something like that." Noodle mentioned politely.

"Huh?" 2D stated, not having the slightest clue what she meant by that.

"Well you see," Noodle said slowly so that he slow wit friend could understand her easily. "A stomach Flu is a virus, and we can get rid of those through hospitals. Now, bacterial infections and other bacteria related illnesses, we can. So, if you said you had a bacteria related sickness, rather than a virus, you've could've gotten some treatment."

"The More you know, face-ache." Murdoc provided as he lit another cigarette, after he had just finished one a few minutes earlier.

2D shook this off, not understanding a bit of what his friends were telling him. In fact, most of the words that he had used to describe his story, made no sense to him either. He just knew that his friends usually said words like he did just moments ago to sound smart and fresh, so he gave it a shot. Apparently it worked, so why stop now. He still had a story to finish after all.

"So Anyways," 2D ignored his friends' earlier comments. "After 3 days, I went back to these guys, and basically told them, 'Man, that was a lot of fun. Hey, next time if I'm ever that drunk, just toss me outside, you know. Let me be drunk and in safety." 2D's smile began to shake. His lips curved like ocean waves. Suddenly, he busted out into fits of laughter. What came next was too much to bear. Simply, it was just too funny. But he had to, otherwise his band mates wouldn't understand why he was laughing so hard right now. So he told them. "And these guys, they got so mad, and they all screamed at me, all at the same time, ….hahaha….they said…..'WE DID STUART! SEVERAL TIMES!'"

The band immediately started to laugh as well. It was a lot to handle at one moment. They all could rationalize in their minds what had transpired after he had gotten thrown outside. 2D had basically gotten so drunk, that instead of staying outside, he tried coming back in and he did so successfully. But, what he did while he was in there, it was enough to make their ribs ach from laughing so hard.

"Apparently," 2D began with a smile as he laughed at himself in this very own situation. "I had gotten so drunk, that each time they did this, I would find my way back into the house by crawling through some widow, or going through the roof. At one point, they said I literally knocked a door off its hinges. And, but here's the best part. I would wait behind corners and nooks and crannies in the house, and when someone would pass by me, and I would jump out at them, scream 'BrAAHHHH!', and then take whatever drink was in their hands, and chug it myself. And I would drink anything. I had gotten so drunk; I was scaring other people on purpose, just so I could take their drinks and drink them myself."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. And resilience that the band members had about laughing was destroyed. The sound of their laughter had amplified 50x louder than the last time they laughed. Noodle was laughing so hard, that she actually fell off the couch this time, and started rolling around on the floor like some deranged kitty. Russell was laughing so hard, that he could've sworn that he was developing abs. Murdoc was actually laughing so hard, that he started slamming his fists on the coffee table. Object began to move and things began to clash, but the laughter never seized up. It was a continuous spray of laughter, like it was like they laughter was acting like a machine gun. It would empty a full round of clips, reload, and then do so some more. This laughter continued on for a good 20 minutes, before finally, Noodle, Russell, and even Murdoc had wiped away tears of humor from their eyes and looked back at 2D.

"Moral of the story," 2D exclaimed as he wrapped his story up, (which shocked Murdoc for he had no clue that 2D knew about that particular expression), "If you ever have a friend that gets about as drunk as I did that night, just leave them outside. That'll work." He finished his story with a sarcastic tone. He then genially smiled his toothless grin. The band responded with a tremendous applause. So far, depending on your taste, the band believed that 2d's was the best story.

But then, Stuart handed off the Jack Daniels to Murdoc. Murdoc smiled a smug, vampire-like smile. He was viciously malicious and deviant with the way his eyes roared. Oh, his friends had no clue what they were about to get themselves into. He still believed, fairly however, that his story was still the greatest of them all. It was a drunken story to rule them all. He clutched the bottle tightly and brought it to his side. Then, surprising everybody, he stood up proudly and delivered a speech.

"Now, so far these stories have been quite humorous." Murdoc began. "Noodle's story was rather quite pleasant, with the way she broke her arm and all that, and just so you know Noodle, that give ya ten good points in my record book." Then he turned to Russell. "Now, Russell's story didn't have much drinking or mentioning of alcoholic beverages at the time. But, it was filled with humor and wit, and for that, you get a total of seven points." Murdoc then turned to 2D. "I believe I speak for everybody in the band, when I say that face ache's is by far the best so far. It was smart, clever, funny, and filled with vomit and debauchery. He basically pointed out that he was the drunken hamburgler, and for that, he gets 30 points." Then, he took a swig from the bottle.

He sat down and stared at the faces looking back at him. All we eager to hear Murdoc's story, as if they had been dying to hear it. (or at least, he assumed that's what they were thinking.) he lifted a finger in an act of artistic prose, and proclaimed with a smug grin, this. "But, to be frank here, my story takes the cake. For many reasons, many reasons indeed. But there is one crucial key factor to add up to realize why my story trumps them all. It's a simple element, and it's a big component to my story. My story wins for one simple reason; mine has pussy in it."

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><p><strong>DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUUU! What will Murdoc's story contain? Tune in next time for the newest most exciting chapter of 'The drunk dairies' yet. I apologize again for the long update. In the next chapter, I'll have 2D speaking in his accent again. I only took it out so that you can understand it better. Plus, it's less work for me to do. That's two birds with one stone. In the mean time, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know that you were building up this big hype and I hope I didn't let you down. Keep on reading, tell your friends, and…..<strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Oh, P.S. please tell me your favorite part from this chapter. I'm dying to know! **


	5. Murdoc's Story AKA: The End

**HELLO EVERYONE! I'm sorry to say this, but you know the phrase. "All good things must come to an end." That's right, although this will be followed shortly hereafter by an epilogue, 'Murdoc's Story,' will be the last chapter of 'The Drunk Diaries.' It's nothing against the story, nor have I run out of ideas. It's simply because there are only 4 band members, so thus, there can only be 4 stories. I hope you all enjoyed this trip as much as I have, and I also hope that you continue to support me throughout my other stories on fan ; not Gorillaz related. Also, I have a YouTube channel called 'Themetalman3.' The link is posted on my profile. Please check out the video's, comment, rate, and subscribe. I'll be doing a cover of a Gorillaz song real soon. So, without further ado, I bid you farewell, and hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

Noodle's eyes had grown wide. Russell's jaw dropped and struck the floor. And 2D….well…no words could accurately describe his priceless expression. It was amazing to see a grown, blue haired man confused, bewildered, yet somehow understanding. Like he knew the subject which Murdoc was referring to, but he was unaware that such a word existed. But one thing was fairly certain. When Murdoc said the word, "pussy," everyone's attention was immediately captured. Like lightning in a bottle, they were ready to explode.

Noodle smiled ever so greatly; a quirky smile with all the lovingness she could muster. It was a dirty grin, a cheap grin, but a grin none the less. "I'm intrigued Murdoc." She said deviously. "Please, explain."

Murdoc took an all knowing bow, symbolizing his eager and self-absorbed attitude towards the band. It was justified however. His story simply was the greatest. It was no contest. Once he rose back up, he slammed down on the couch and made himself comfortable; taking a giant swig of the whisky in the process. He wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, and then, he proceeded to tell the greatest drunk story ever told.

"So here's how it goes," he began. "When I was sixteen, My aunt Martha had moved out of her house. She was living next door to my parents' place for years, and the new family was going to move in a few months later. But, rather than shutting everything down and getting setup for the new family to arrive, she came up to me and said, 'Why don't you and your friends just move in and have a good time.'"

Everyone in the room gasped suddenly. The idea that someone gave Murdoc free range so early in life, was stunning. But more importantly, it filled them with terror. They couldn't necessarily add 2 and 2 together yet, but just the fact alone that Murdoc was sixteen and had his own house for a couple of months; that was bad news entirely. But they would be liars if they said they weren't somewhat jealous. In fact, looking back on it, Murdoc would say he had a privilege that very few teenagers ever had in life, he got a party house.

"Damn," Russell expressed with a slack jaw of awe.

"Yep," Murdoc stated with a wink. "I have a bunch of drunk stories that came out of that house, and that little summer of love I had when I was 16. But there's one story in particular that always jumps to the front of my head when someone brings up that house. This was back when I was still in Durango '95; the band before the Gorillaz. And we had just played this suck ass gig. But, the good news was we had hooked up with some chicks, we had gotten some free booze, and we were about to tear it up back at my aunt's place. However, this night I was trying to be somewhat careful, because up until now, the family that was moving in hadn't brought in any of their stuff. But on that day, they had just moved in this lily white, perfect couch, that they kept covered. They didn't want anybody sitting on it. I earn this thing was covered in plastic, it was bizarre."

"I fink I alreadee see where dis iz goin." 2D mumbled to himself, unaware that Murdoc heard all.

"Oh really," Murdoc said with raised brows and a strange amount of sass. "Think again." He took another swig of his bottle, and continued on with his story towards the crowd in front of him which was captivated.

"So, we got wasted, and hammered, and me and my buddy Joseph ended up sleeping in one of the basement bedrooms, and on the floor of the basement bedroom. And, at about 5 in the morning, me and Joseph hear this frantic knocking on our bedroom door. And we had gotten wasted the night before, so you all know, 5 am, I was a little grumpy! I grumble as I get myself out of the air mattress on the floor, and I had already made up in my mind that I was going to kick this guys ass, whoever it was. But When I opened the door, standing in front of me is Billy Boy; our drummer. And I'm just about to tell him off, but literally, before I can get a word in edge wise, the first words out of his mouth was, 'Oh man! Oh man! I think I killed her! I think I killed her!'"

The room tension had increased in ten fold. Everyone's eyes had widened to the size of saucers. A full on genocide could've broken out right now, and that still wouldn't have captured the attention of the three band mates staring at Murdoc, slack jawed, and shocked to the brittle bone. They had to know what was going too happened next. They were mesmerized.

Even Noodel, who usually was content on hearing each other's stories, had released an unknowing, "Oh my God!" in surprise.

"Yeah," Murdoc replied to the stunned faces that present themselves towards him. "And I was thinking like, 'wait, what the hell?' but I look at him, and I see blood, lots and lots of blood covering him. And immediately, I'm like, 'oh holy shit!' and I grab Joseph and the three of us frantically rushed up stairs." He took a momentary pause to savor his drink, as the harsh gasoline-like liquid trickled down his throat. He released a breath as though he was breathing fire, and then he proceeded to continue. "Know, do you remember that couch I told you about earlier?"

"Oh Holy Hell," 2D grumbled and he dragged his hands across his face in utter horror.

"uh-huh," Murdoc stated nodding his head; basically telling 2D that his deepest darkest nightmares were about to come true, and then some. "It looked like Road kill had hit the couch. Like, there was some dead animal that just got pancake flatted right there on the couch. And me and Joseph are basically reeling in the images, and we were like about to go ballistic. I mean, I thought that I was going to have a panic attack. So, I turn to look at Billy Boy, and suddenly I realize something." He left his sentence hanging on mid air. Sure, it was a complete sentence, but the anxiety in the room was practically killing them. Tension was thick. The band mates couldn't just be left there. They had to know.

Noodle was the one who finally spoke up. "C'mon Murdoc! Don't leave us hanging by a thread! Tell us now. So you looked at Billy and you realized that…."

And that's when He said it.

"His dick was out and there was a condom on it."

* * *

><p>…..<p>

* * *

><p>There was a brief momentary pause of silence as the band mates tried to process what had just been announced. It was the calm before the storm.<p>

Then, Laughter. Earth shattering, explosive, mind numbing hysterical laughter filled the room up to its very brim without any warning. It was an impulse. It was a release. Simply, the statement that Murdoc had proclaimed was just so outrageous, so stupefying, and so radically unreal, that it had to be real. There was no denying that look upon the bassist's face. The band had learned to read his emotions early on and knew when he was full of shit or when he was being honest. This was one of those moments where his smile was calm, gracious, devilish, yet filled with honest truth. It made the band laugh even harder. Noodle was wiping tears from her eyes. Russell had now been stomping around the room, proclaiming at the top of his lungs, "Oh! Oh My GOD! Holy Shit!" while laughing at the same time. 2D was the most ballistic one out of the bunch. Jumping off of his chair as though he had been electrocuted with several thousand watts of electricity, he began slapping his knee, prancing around the room, and giving off this uproarious cackle like some sort of demonic hyena.

The band just couldn't take it. It was too much. It was about to get even worse, (or better in some cases). Murdoc was not finished yet.

Pulling down his smile, he ventured forward. "And then I realized that most of the blood on him was around his pelvis."

The band laughed even harder. Noodle could've sworn that she was growing abs because she was laughing so hard. Russell continued proclaiming God's name in vain as though he was the member of some sort of Pentecostal church. 2D continued his dance of hilarity.

"I mean, it looked like someone took a bucket of red paint and dumped it on this guy's crotch." Murdoc proclaimed.

Their jaws dropped as more laughter was discharged from their lips.

"So….as it turns out, this chick that Billy boy had been with earlier that night," Mrudoc stated. "Her cheery didn't pop, but rather, it exploded on the couch."

If anyone could pull off a look like they were going to vomit and laugh at the same time, it would've been Russell. A giant dry heave expelled itself from his throat, which was then followed by a laugh so explosive that it might as well been replaced with actual barf itself. Then he continued ranting and raving his powerful, "Oh God! Oh my God! What the Hell?" at the top of his lungs. 2D at one point literally had to run around the compounds of Plastic Beach at least once or twice to release some of the pent up energy inside him.

Noodle had one thing on her mind.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Noodle shouted. "Where was the girl?"

"She was outside, on the curb having a smoke." Murdoc replied nonchalantly.

This made the band laugh even harder.

"I mean, I felt so bad for Billy Boy. I mean, the girl was outside, having a smoke, relaxing and just not having a care in the world. Meanwhile, this poor bastard thought he killed a woman with his dick." Murdoc said.

The entire band had already been laughing to the point of induced vomiting; now they were at the point of dying. No one could breath. No one could even inhale. It was just exhale upon exhale of laughter after laughter and chuckle after chuckle. Pretty much, there was no denying it. Murdoc's story trumped them all. Murdoc won. Still however, more was needed to be said.

"But that's not all," Murdoc proclaimed with a smug grin, as his band mates stared at him in wonder. "So just a few minutes after witnessing this sick and horrendous sight, the phone rings. George-y Boy, our secondary guitarist, answers it, and it's the folks who are about to move it. They are calling to tell us that there flight arrived in town earlier, and that they wanted the house spotless when they arrived."

"Oh No!" 2D screamed at the top of his lungs. The story was intense. Nail-biting tension was filling the atmosphere. Everyone was drawn into the story.

"Yep." Murdoc responded with a nod of his head and a significant look in his eyes, symbolizing understanding. "So George-y Boy slams the phone, he tells us the news, tells the guest 'alright, get the fuck out,' and we proceeded to scrub down that couch like never before. This was coincidental, because we had never cleaned anything before in our lives. So we were clueless on how to clean it. But, by the grace of Satan, who looks after fools and party animals, all we ended up doing was using some 'Scrub-n-Dub', or whatever the hell you call it, 'Scotch Guard', maybe, and the couch was good as new. But the one thing that we had a problem with was the smell. I mean, oh sweet Satan. The smell was something to write home about. It was unbearable. It made _my _eyes water. So we ended up getting one of those Febreeze fresh things, and we stuck it in-between the cushions. Surprisingly it worked. After we had cleaned up ourselves, the family arrived, and I shit you not, they were none the wiser. We got away free and clear….well Almost."

"Oh no. wha happen?" 2D asked ever so politely.

"Well, me and my band mates thought we had made it through without a scratch on us. Unbeknownst to us, terror was waiting right around the corner. We had 4 more weeks of that house to ourselves before we got caught. Well, more importantly, it was _I _who got caught. I get a call early in the morning about 4 weeks later from my Aunt's house, and the family wants me to show up. When I arrive, the father is standing there in the door way, with a pair of panties between his fingertips."

"Uhhh…." Noodle groaned in disbelief and annoyance. She felt really sad for her friend at this point.

"Turns out, this chicks panties got caught in between the cushions, and he was searching for the remote one day and stumbled upon them. So, thinking it was me, because I am the bad seed out of the group, he asked me If I did it."

"So, whachya say?" 2D asked with sincerity.

"I told him it was me. I mean, Billy Boy was a good friend of mine before the car crash, and I wasn't ratting out on him." Murdoc explained ever so persistently, as if his word was code. "So yeah, that's basically how my summer of love ended."

He pressed the bottle to his lips and waited stupidly for more liquid to pour out. Sadly, this action was preformed only to realize that the bottle was empty. No words could be said. No new words could be formed. Nothing could be added, or extracted. What was done was done.

* * *

><p>…..<p>

* * *

><p>Silence flooded the room. It was like a deep wound cut ever so unmercifully. The blood spilt came directly from the heart. They realized that basically, this moment, this time, this instants of happiness and peace amongst all 4 members, was over. And the next moment like this wouldn't happen anytime soon. They were the Gorillaz after all. It was in their nature to fight. Murdoc would drink, 2D would innocently ignite Murdoc's rage, Russell would clobber both their heads to get them to shut up, and Noodle would attack all three of them so they could stop hurting each other. They were a self-destructive being. They were like a horseshoe crab in a strange way. In the proper season, the crab would shed its shell, much like, if the band mates were all in the proper mood, friendships could be made and moments could be initiated that would last a lifetime. But, a crab is still a crab. The Gorillaz would still be the Gorillaz for better or for worst. It was a double edged sword. What more could be said? There was one single question on everyone's mind that was circulating amongst the dreadful silence that absorbed them all for the grand total of 10 minutes. That question was simply this. <em>Where do we go from here? What happens now?<em>

And that's when Noodle was struck with an epiphany. After everything, Hell, demons, pirates, plastic beach, she realized that, strangely enough, while things change, nothing happens. Things just are. Things be. They don't have to have a reason, nor do they have to have no reason at all. They just are, and will continue to be and do so for the rest of our lives. Simply, one must move on. Or, one could choose to hang on if he or she so wished. But the facts remained this. The Gorillaz, after a few years of absence and grief, were finally in the same room together, and Noodle wouldn't have it any other way.

Still, she was hungry. So, standing up in full view of all the band members after the several minutes of awkward silence, Noodle proclaimed, "I'm hungry. Does anyone here know how to make Tacos?"

And so, the band retreated to the kitchen where Russell made Taco's for everyone. Then, they got into the studio to jam, and the band proceeded to Rock N Roll.

**There you go guys. The finally thrilling and stunning chapter of 'The Drunk Diaries.' But don't be saddened. There will be an epilogue that will be posted shortly after thanksgiving. I'd like to thank all of you who had supported me and wrote reviews. I wish you the best of luck in the future. I hope you check out the rest of my fics along with my YouTube page, (themetalman3), and I like to think that you had just as much fun as I did. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! Oh, and tell me your favorite part of this entire story in the review. Which story trumps them all? **

**With many pleasant regards,**

**Welcometofightclub. **


	6. epilouge: reunion tour

**Well My Fellow Gorrilaz fans, we all knew this day would come; the day where I would have to put "The Drunk Diaries" away on the shelf forever. This epilogue was really touching to me to write. Just to see the end of the road, it was a tear jerking for sure. Maybe that was why I kept putting it off for so long; that…..and basketball season started for me immediately after I posted my last chapter and HOLY CRAP that took a lot of writing time out of my schedule. Besides that, I also got to work on some more of MY MUSIC. Please check out the link to my YouTube channel, which is posted on my profile. Among that, there was so much more. One of the biggest things I think that happened to me while I was away from this story was VIC MIGNOGNA! For those of you who have no idea who he is, he's the voice of "Edward Elric" from Full Metal Alchemist. I've been chatting with him over email and he is an awesome guy. And, he likes my music. It's awesome.**

**But now, it's time. I had to type this sooner or later, and seeing as how the holidays are upon us, what better gift to give? So, to all my fans, thank you. And to all those who have just discovered this story, please pass it on so that more views may come upon it. So, without further ado, here it is. **

She felt the adrenalin pumping through her veins at an incredible speed. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She had been out on the stage almost a billion times before and never once did it bother her quite like it did this time. What was the reason for her sudden panic? Well, maybe it was because she was so young when she played her first gig that the reality of the situation never really bothered her. She just seemed unaware of how important the Gorillaz were at the time. Then, there was the El Manna video which skyrocketed to epic proportions. That was the begging of her starting to realize that these gigs were more than just gigs, they were showcases. If she screwed up one bit, she would always sink to a new low after the show. On top of that, the atrocious dress which Murdoc ordered her to well didn't settle well with her stomach as well as her brain. It was just completely degrading. When she first showed it to the gang, Russell almost killed that little green goblin of a man. However, he did point out a very good point. "If it worked for Madonna," He stated, "It should work even 10 times more for Nood-luv."

And that's how Noodle found herself standing on a platform under the stage, dressed in possible the skimpiest lingerie ever, waiting for the song "Dare," to begin. Tonight was a big night and it seemed as if though everything was going against her. It was their first show in nearly 7 years, and most of the band was a bit rusty. She could pick out Russell making a couple of mistakes rhythmically on the song, "Clint Eastwood." On top of that, this was the return of her. The return of Noodle. What would the audience think? They were use to the old bucket and bolts that was the cyborg at this point. Now, the flesh and blood Noodle was back at her rightful position on the throne. But she had grown up. Would the audience be shocked to see Noodle, sweet innocent Noodle, fully developed and grown. Not only that, she was in slutty lingerie. Many of the audience members might be sick.

But the biggest thing that disturbed her was the fact that she, herself, was rusty. Playing in the studio provided her with all the time in the world that she needed to collect herself and play a rift or sing a melody. But in the concert atmosphere, it was all out or bust. There was no time. The only time was now, and she felt as if her knees were going to buckle.

At that point, a man walked up beside Noodle. He wore kaki Jeans and sported a black Gorillaz crew member t-shirt. Equipped upon him, was a headset microphone, to which he received the message, which he relayed to Noodle.

"30 seconds Noodle." Steve the crew member stated.

Her pupils began to dilate. Her heart rate increased to a point of internal combustion. She was frightened. But, she was ready. She stood firm as she stared up to the ceiling towards her. Gears under her platform began to shift and the trapdoor above her began to open. The song which the rest of her fellow band mates were on had officially ended with Day La Souls epic laugh. The crowd cheered tremendously. The stadium was roaring with applause. It was as if though the audience thought the Gorillaz was going to end it there.

Oh no. it was only the begging.

The platform began to rise. All the lights in the stadium had shut down immediately. Dry ice flooded the floor. Behind the band, the screen flashed images of the "Dare," music video. It was a brilliant masterpiece of image and sound. The platform had finally gone up high enough for Noodle to peak her head out and see the audience. She was awestruck. The place was jammed pack. It left her breathless for a few moments. But then, she regained her composure and got in her posture for the song. She looked ready, fierce, and carried around this image of a rock god. At this point, no matter how much resentment and fear Noodle had about this moment, there was no going back. It was time.

"It's coming up, it's coming up, it's coming up, it's coming up, it's coming up, it's coming up…..IT'S DARE!"

"Ugn," Noodle released her grunt into the microphone as the lights beamed on immediately and drastically.

The audience lost their fucking heads. The noise level was so powerful that the band couldn't hear their own instruments for a second. This left Murdoc with a feeling of elation and self-righteousness. They were almost like the Beatles. Hell, the way Noodle was smiling, she felt like she was bigger than the Beatles. This was not the reaction she was expecting. The audience was extremely happy to see her return. They greeted her in a way that made her heart rise in spirit. Had this been her first time performing anything, she probably would've missed her cues. Fortunately for her, it wasn't. And like a professional, she crossed the stage to her points, and began to sing.

"You've got to Press it on you, you just think it, that's what you do baby, hold it down dare." She sang fluently with excellent pronunciation.

The crowd simple went ape shit; especially the young guys from 13 on up to 21. They were going berserks. Their minds were warping themselves around this new and possibly improved image of Noodle. And their hormones simply couldn't take it. The reason for such a colossal and hysterical reaction towards Noodle was because…..she was HOT! She was defiantly not the small girl that most of the male audience members discovered back in the days of their debut album. The Asian rock guitarist had transformed herself into this absolute sex goddess. No man was leaving that stadium without a dirty thought in place.

Except for one man. He held his back stage pass in his right hand as he stared in humble satisfaction at this amazing girl. He sat in the far back of the stadium to the point where Noodle herself on the stage was nothing more than a dot. But the screens developed her face very largely, and this man now had the opportunity to stare at this rock n roll idol in worship. However, he did not only cheer in sexual amazement. Moreover, he just cheered in appreciation. He was delighted at how attractive she was, but he never saw her as just a sex object. Instead, he saw her as an amazing, talented woman whom he couldn't wait to meet backstage.

If destiny had a look, it was this. For this man would in the future, be more than just a fan. In fact, he would be a vital and important person in Noodle's life. And his name was Clarke Gibson.

* * *

><p>The show was a tremendous success, as signified by how loud the mass had applauded after the ending of "Feel Good Inc." None of the Gorillaz members would dare argue with their audience, for they most certainly agreed with them. The comeback tour was spectacular, and 2-D, Murdoc, Russell, and Noodle couldn't wait for the upcoming venues. Goodbye Montreal; Next Stop, Staple Center in Los Angeles, California. And the fun didn't stop there. Soon, there would be shows in New York, Texas, Florida, and the train didn't end right after the northern hemisphere. Epic Arena and Stadium gigs from Brazil to Italy were rapidly approaching.<p>

While most bands would feel burdened with all this incoming pressure, this bad felt otherwise. In fact, they were extremely giddy for all the extra work coming their way. It had been ages since the band toured together, and as the saying goes, 'it feels good to be back.' And it felt even better because this time, they were going as 'friends.' No longer were they at each other's throats like in the early days. (Although occasionally, Murdoc and 2-D would gind themselves within a tussle, but that was just unavoidable). No, this time, they actually legitimately liked each other as people, and they were going to spend much more time together. It was going to be a blast.

But as of this moment, there were more important matters at hand; such as who would be worthy to hang out with the Gorillaz back. As Murdoc began walking down an unknown path towards the line that waited outside their dressing room, the fan reactions started like a bucket of water. First came the initial splash as one teenage girl looked up and recognized Murdoc's sleek green figure coming towards her, then the downpour erupted when she exclaimed, "OH MY GAWD! IT'S MURDOC!" and the ladies' scream would last for an eternity. Hands flew out of the line grasping photos, posters, t-shirts, and albums waiting for their signatures to be placed upon them.

Murdoc smiled. Nostalgia never loses its touch. And apparently, his appearance never lost its touch among the ladies either. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he calmed their blistering hearts and proclaimed the news.

"Aright now," he began with a cackle and a devilish smile that made their hearts melt. "Now, I'm sorry to say that I was just informed by our tour manager that we can only bring 10 people backstage with us. So we will have to pick and choose." At that moment, people in the line gave off one big exasperated sigh of frustration. "However," Murdoc continued, "I promise that we will sign everything you've got for us to sign. So-" Murdoc was immediately interrupted with the sound of frantic fan screaming that rattled his ear drums and shook his core. Then, the room got quite once more, and he ventured forward. "So, if you please sit tight and wait, we will begin autographs. Starting with you," Murdoc stated with a laugh and a sly smile as he leaned in closer to the one dark haired woman who appeared no older than 32. "Hi, how are you doing?"

And thus began the autograph session. Many things were sign. 2-D would even leave with the satisfaction of knowing that he actually signed a baby. It was truly bizarre. But what was really strange was the fact that while Murdoc got the most requests, Noodle was second in line. Even though there were boys within the line that got their memorabilia signed, many girls were actually impressed by Noodle's come-back. The guitarist didn't care. She rather enjoyed the fact that she made a subliminal impact equally amongst the genders.

But all that came crashing down when she got to Becky Whilston, a super fan from Quebec.

"Hi," both the girls exclaimed at the exact same time and in equal pitch fluctuation.

"How ya doing?" Noodle asked, always being the polite one.

"Fantastic. I'm standing in front of one of my idols!" the fan girl squeed in excitement.

"Why thank you." Noodle stated in an almost southern bell style. "What do you have for me to sign sweetie?"

"Oh, just this autograph book," the girl exclaimed as she pulled out a leather black pocket notebook from her pockets. She gave to Noodle, who flipped it opened as was shocked to see so many recognizable signatures. "I've been collected them since I was 8 and my parents took me to see Styx's annual reunion tour." She gave off. "I'm hoping to one day complete the entire book and sell it on Ebay or something."

"I gotta say," Noodle declared as she flipped through the pages, "I'd rather not sell this. You've got some amazing signatures on here. Though, I do agree as to why you'd want to sell it. Many of these autographs are extremely valuable." She paused as she read some names aloud. "Dan Auerbach from The Black Keys, Thom York from Radiohead, Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. Damn Girl, you got some skill."

"Yeah," she blushed in modesty. "But seeing you guys was the best. I swear my Boyfriend lost his shit when you entered the stage." Becky stated as she pointed at Noodle.

Murdoc, upon hearing this, was intrigued, and began to lean his head towards the lady and interject his piece into the conversation. "Really? I take it that he liked the clothes I picked out for Nood-luv.

Becky had two reactions at that moment. First was the preliminary and always active "Oh my GAWD! YOU'R MURDOC," reaction. Then, she answered his question. "Oh Hell yeah. By the Way, Noodle, I so totally want to buy that off you if I could get the chance."

Murdoc chuckled, as he was given the notebook from Noodle who had finished her signature. "Really now? What do you suppose you're gonna do with that lingerie? You gonna excite him before you shag his old bones out?"

Noodle gasped in surprised and playfully smacked Murdoc in the arm. "Murdoc, that's just mean."

"What, I'm only saying the truth." He replied with a grin as he eyed down the girl.

Becky laughed as her face flushed with pure redness. She was embarrassed and aroused at the same time; if ever such a mixture of emotions was possible. Then, she gave forth her argument. "Actually, I'm the older one in the relationship. My boyfriend is only 15."

Dead silence.

Murdoc and Noodle looked like deer's caught in the headlights as they tried to wrap their minds around what Becky had just said. It was simply astounding and it left them flabbergasted. They had never felt more awkward in their entire lives.

"um…..how old are you, If I may ask?" Noodle requested politely as her voice shook.

"18," Becky humbly replied.

"Your boyfriend's a player," Murdoc exclaimed with a smile as he finished his autograph on the book.

"He totally is," Becky stated with enthusiasm and a laugh as she received her autograph book back and placed it in her pocket. "Thank you guys so much." She said with a smile as she reached forward to hug them. They complied and both Murdoc and Noodle shared this hug with the strange teenage girl with red hair. When she pulled back, she made known, "Listen, I'm not going to go backstage because I understand you can have so many people in the room with ya."

"I'm rather sorry about that," Murdoc vowed.

"Don't be." Becky said with a giggle. "You signed my book and that's enough. Now, if you tell me where 2-D and Russell are…" she left the last part of her sentence hanging in the air mischievously, hoping Murdoc would pick up on it and direct her towards the blue hair front man.

He most certainly did, and with a smile he exclaimed, "Yep. He's just down the line." He pointed to the back where 2-D gave off his toothless grin as he posed in a picture with two other fan women.

Becky squealed in excitement, and then she turned to Murdoc. "Thank you so much." She stated before she rushed down the line towards 2-D.

Murdoc smiled as he watched this woman barge her way through oncoming traffic just so she could get a signature from face-ache. Watching the fans for some reason brought more delight to Murdoc now than it did back in the early days. Maybe the bassist had finally managed to grow a heart throughout all those years.

He was brought back to reality with the repetitive sound of a tapping foot. He noticed Noodle glaring at him intensely, with a smile that was far from friendly. He wondered for a brief moment why she would be so drastically pissed off. Then, she made her terms known. "So…a 15 year old boy saw me almost naked."

Murdoc smiled as he placed his hands on his hips, almost mimicking her. "Well, he'll be leaving with a happy memory. That's for sure."

Noodle attacked, flinging herself towards Murdoc, and grabbing his throat. She didn't squeeze, but she didn't have a loose grip. It was more of a reminder, to tell Murdoc whom she was and why she was not to be trifled with. "Maybe you don't seem to be following me here." Noodle proclaimed much more intensely. "A _minor _almost saw my lady parts." Then, she made her request known. "That's it! I want a different costume. I am no longer going out in that skimpy thing."

"But the fans loved it." Murdoc explained to her without yelling or screaming, (which was a first). "Besides, I think you look rather good in that outfit."

"It doesn't matter." Noodle whispered viciously in amazement. "What if something ripped and I was exposed."

And that's when a new voice chimed in.

"I would've rather enjoyed that." A male voice called out from the line.

Noodle turned to face her delinquent…. And her heart stopped.

He was somewhere around 6'2 to 6'3; being over a foot taller than Noodle and outweighing her by only a couple of pounds. But that was just muscle mass; _pure, unadulterated, brilliant muscle mass, that wasn't too showy, and yet gave him a define, slender toned up body. _He wore a blue 'Plastic Beach,' t-shirt and sported a beautiful hair cut which could only be described as a shaggy crossover between a bowl cut and a mullet. It was strange yet fantastic at the same time, and shinned cleanly and bright black. In between his fingers, was a recently lit cigarette, which he promptly placed back into his mouth as he walked closer to Noodle.

"although, I was paying much more attention to how magnificent you sounded tonight," he conjectured as he finally stopped at the edge of the ropes. Then, he held out his hand. "By the way, the name's Clarke."

For the first time ever, or at least in Murdoc's eyes, Noodle stuttered. "um….y-y-y-yeah. Hi….y-yeah-hi.'

Clarke chuckled. "Do you usually react this way around fan boys?"

"No!" Noodle called out in surprise. Her brain screamed horrible things at her, such as _you dullard. Now he'll never be attracted to you! _"Not at all. Just…..you know…..fraternizing…and…stuff."

Clarke chuckled, knowing the effect that he was having upon Noodle. Although he wasn't prepared for such a reaction, he quite well welcomed it. It was rather enjoyable; to know that one of his rock goddesses actually found him as attractive. It certainly was mind blowing. But the amazing thing was, Clarke never showed it. He was one suave motherfucker.

Suddenly, at that moment, another personal from the Gorillaz crew came rushing up with their headset on, and clipboard handy. The person whispered in Murdoc's ear. "Your road manager Tony just told us to wrap up the backstage passes." And then was off like a flash.

Murdoc made his selection. Not surprisingly, they were all girls, all girls with big hooters for that matter.

But this left Noodle somewhat angry because Murdoc didn't select Clarke. She wouldn't admit this but she was looking forward to getting to know the man. Know, it seemed as if though that dream was gone. She turned to talk to Clarke, and apologize for Murdoc's ill-behaved and unwise backstage selection, when she realized that he wasn't there. Clarke had simply vanished. Like some nocturnal creature, she darted her head around desperately seeking Clarke. She turned completely around and found him soulfully and lonesome traveling away.

"Hey, wait up!" she called out as she ran towards him.

Now, at this moment, Murdoc was holding on to a blonde hair lady bridal style and wiggled his tongue out in front of her for her amusement. 2-D, however, was looking out at Noodle when he noticed her starting to run away. He tapped Murdoc on the shoulder, drawing his attention towards him. Murdoc placed the lady down, and was about to give face-ache a piece of his mind, when he looked towards where 2-D was pointing. He also noticed Noodle running towards the strange man, and smile slyly as he watched the events about to transpire. It was almost like a parent watching their child go after love.

Clarke turned his head towards the fare lady who dashed her way towards him. Once she reached her destination, she held her knee's as she was somewhat out of breath from sprinting so quickly. Then, once she regained her composure, she tried her damnest to speak fluently. "I was wondering….since you didn't make it backstage….is it possible….if you can go out for a drink with me?"

Clarke smiled. "That would be lovely." And then, against everything she knew about the world, he held out his arm for her to grab.

She was stupefied. "um…what's this?"

"Well I certainly don't know the way myself." The charming young man replied. "I was hoping a fare lady such as yourself would be up for the task. Are you?"

"Certainly," she stated with a smile and a laugh as she clutched his arm and began walking. They made casual steps through the hall and as they did so, they shot each other question back in forth. Before they reached the door, Noodle found out that Clarke was a videogame designer working a Berthesa Studio's. It made her eyebrows raise that's for sure.

As they turned the corner, 2-D leaned towards Murdoc's ear and whispered, "Tis' wood certainly make a good drunk stowry. Woodn't it?"

Murdoc only smiled. "It certainly will."

* * *

><p><strong>And there you go. The Drunk Diaries is finally completed. I hope you all have had as much as a blast as I did. Please pass this story around to all your friends and make sure you review as much as possible. Which story was your favorite? Did you like the epilogue? What's your favorite Gorillaz song? Please answer these questions in the review. Until then, God Speed, and I wish all of you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. <strong>

**With many regards,**

**Welcometofightclub. **


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